I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
