You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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