I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
