I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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