So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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