Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
