I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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