So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize