You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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