I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
