I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
