just come out here and I will go home with you...
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
i think my cat just said my name.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
