well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
