dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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