Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
