He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Randomize