Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
