just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
