new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
