I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
