so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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