Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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