We got so high we made milksteak
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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