i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
