So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
