I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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