It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You may now shotgun with the bride
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
