Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
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