Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
