already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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