We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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