Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
