He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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