I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
