New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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