is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
