I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
