it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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