i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize