Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
