you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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