PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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