I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
