I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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