between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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