It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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