I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
