everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
