don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Randomize
