dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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