my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
