i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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