the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize