i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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