the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
We got so high we made milksteak
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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