see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Randomize
