Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
