I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I think my moral compass just broke
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
