i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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