let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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