i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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