How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
