i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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