I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
