Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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