his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
