I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
