i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
