quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
