I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
