I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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