i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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