I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
