It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
