did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I can't turn off my feet"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize