I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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