im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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