Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
