FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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