I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
