1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
