that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Girls should come with a carfax report
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
