I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize