Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
