not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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