No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
