sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
