So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
