Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
