She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
