don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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