I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
