i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
