So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I need mimosas to revive my soul
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize