Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
