can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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