i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
