The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i barfeds in our rink
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
