I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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