New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
