My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
